____tear my heart open; i sew myself shut

Saturday, June 18, 2005

*delusion of adequacy
simple dissapointment

sigh. was a rather dissapointing meet today. i'm so moody now! ): blahh. didnt do very well in long jump today. i would believe that my long jump is dropping at a extremely fast rate. SHEESH. what in the world is all that training for man? am i just not performing or am i really just lousy in long jump? seriously man. been jumping that since i started track and i'm dropping. this feeling totally sucks to the core. like WHAT THE HELL. coach is DAMN pissed. bet he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. sigh. when he's pissed it SUCKS. sighs. oh well.

people have been giving me attention. suspect mum knows i feel really horrible. she's been giving me lots of attention since i finished my event. but i just ignored her and dont want her company. i feel so bad now. sigh ):

sorry mum if you feel negleted. i love you loads! thanks for being there for me. thank you for being the one to see that i need comfort although i just pretend to be really happy on the outside. thank you for everything you have done for me. especially housework. thanks for being the one to do anything willingly without complains. thanks for being you :D

well. mariam got 1st, gail 2nd, and jannah 3rd. could say i totally sucked. i FORGOT to have step position the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN JUMPING LONG JUMP. stupid stupid STUPID! sighs. oh well.

came back. did my 1000 word essay! :D and i completed it. left my political system one now. oh well. gotta go for dinner soon and gotta bath. church tomorrow and triple jump. pray hard for me people. think i'll do better in triple tomorrow. hopefully. toodle

{ tear my heart open }
7:47 pm